Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Percentiles
Today was Alex's 4-month appointment. And as customary at these meetings, the doctor gave us a diagram showing where Alex's weight and height plot against other babies in his age group. Now, I know this is important stuff for some parents, but not me. I want to know the important key performance indicators. Show me where my baby stands in terms of relative likelihood of becoming a total douchebag when he grows up. Show me what percentile Alex falls in for showing an increased predisposition for wearing golf visors. These are things that are important to me. I guess you can infer some of that based on weight and height.
For example, he's currently in the 95th percentile for height and in the 75th percentile for weight. So based on this I could assume he's going to be tall and skinny. And assuming he's going to keep these blue eyes and his mom's good hair - we are totally fucked . Why aren't I more happy about this? Because when you're blessed with good looks you don't have any motivation to try. Everything is just handed to you in life. And you remember the good looking kids in your high school, right? Yeah, supreme douche nozzles. So, that just means it's up to Stephanie and I to keep his self-esteem in check. Right from the get go he's going to hear: "Hey, I didn't realize shitting your pants in public was all the rage now." Or, "I guess grabbing it with your hands and rubbing it all over your face is ONE way to eat spaghetti. . ." As you can see I just want what's best for my baby.
For example, he's currently in the 95th percentile for height and in the 75th percentile for weight. So based on this I could assume he's going to be tall and skinny. And assuming he's going to keep these blue eyes and his mom's good hair - we are totally fucked . Why aren't I more happy about this? Because when you're blessed with good looks you don't have any motivation to try. Everything is just handed to you in life. And you remember the good looking kids in your high school, right? Yeah, supreme douche nozzles. So, that just means it's up to Stephanie and I to keep his self-esteem in check. Right from the get go he's going to hear: "Hey, I didn't realize shitting your pants in public was all the rage now." Or, "I guess grabbing it with your hands and rubbing it all over your face is ONE way to eat spaghetti. . ." As you can see I just want what's best for my baby.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Hilarious
Alex woke Steph and I up at 4am today. It's hard to be upset when the reason he wakes you is because he's laughing so loudly. Actually it's a little disturbing. A giggling baby on a Sunday morning is adorable. A cackling baby at 4 in the morning is frightening. The kind of laughing that's a cross between I'm watching Eddie Murphy Delirious and I'm going to chop your head off with this bread knife. So Steph brings him into our bed to get him to calm down because ain't no funny business going on in mommy and daddy's bed. Well this is also apparently hysterical to him, and the boy continues to giggle and squeak and squawk for the next 3 hours. He literally fell back asleep just in time for my alarm to go off.
I decided that he's going to be very unpopular at parties or on dates because he'll be laughing at all the wrong parts in movies or cracking up at the absurdity of a bowl of soup during fancy dinners. I also think it would be awesome if he kept his baby laugh throughout his adulthood. I would love nothing more than to see a grown man with the kind of herky jerky laugh that only a baby makes. Needless to say my caffeine intake today was borderline illegal. I'm not sure if I had any solid foods at all and now I'm sitting here completely wired at midnight. I think I'll creep into Alex's room and start laughing at him now that he's sound asleep and see how he likes it. Who's the funny dadda now!? Hahahahahahahahahaahahahah!
I decided that he's going to be very unpopular at parties or on dates because he'll be laughing at all the wrong parts in movies or cracking up at the absurdity of a bowl of soup during fancy dinners. I also think it would be awesome if he kept his baby laugh throughout his adulthood. I would love nothing more than to see a grown man with the kind of herky jerky laugh that only a baby makes. Needless to say my caffeine intake today was borderline illegal. I'm not sure if I had any solid foods at all and now I'm sitting here completely wired at midnight. I think I'll creep into Alex's room and start laughing at him now that he's sound asleep and see how he likes it. Who's the funny dadda now!? Hahahahahahahahahaahahahah!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Roadtrip!
Alex had his first visit to Price over the weekend. We went down for my mom's birthday, and what was initally planned as a 4-hour turn and burn visit, turned into an overnight stay thanks to overwhelming demand from the family to hold Alex just a little bit longer, coupled with Steph's fear that every other driver in the canyon would either be asleep or drunk. I think the odds are higher that we would have been hit by a drunk driver on our way to the Super Wal-Mart later that night to pick up something for dinner (since the Pizza Hut already had its chairs stacked at 9:20pm on a Saturday night!!)
Unfortunately, Alex didn't get to have the full tour of the city since we blew into town at 2:30, and were gone by 10am the next morning. All he saw were my mom's photo-collage covered walls, a wind-up Greek dancer music box that my dad kept shoving in his face and a cute picture of a giraffe standing on a mountain of bunnies his cousin Zoey drew for him. Next time I promise to show him the beautiful gas wells, 3dollar stores, the parking lot that once was my elementary school and the greatest Taco Time in the country.
Actually, there are many things I am looking forward to sharing with him about the town that bore his father (but mostly 'bored' his father) as he gets older. But until then I'm sure he's perfectly content with all the attention doted on him by his loving yia yia, aunt Chris, cousin zoey and papou. And if you don't believe me, just look at this picture:
Unfortunately, Alex didn't get to have the full tour of the city since we blew into town at 2:30, and were gone by 10am the next morning. All he saw were my mom's photo-collage covered walls, a wind-up Greek dancer music box that my dad kept shoving in his face and a cute picture of a giraffe standing on a mountain of bunnies his cousin Zoey drew for him. Next time I promise to show him the beautiful gas wells, 3dollar stores, the parking lot that once was my elementary school and the greatest Taco Time in the country.
Actually, there are many things I am looking forward to sharing with him about the town that bore his father (but mostly 'bored' his father) as he gets older. But until then I'm sure he's perfectly content with all the attention doted on him by his loving yia yia, aunt Chris, cousin zoey and papou. And if you don't believe me, just look at this picture:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
