Stephanie asked me as we were leaving Blue Plate Diner yesterday - a hipster haven on weekends - if I would have been a hipster had I been given cooler hair? My initial reaction was, "I thought I was a hipster?" But my answer is yes--I would have been much cooler. Well maybe not a hipster, but certainly not the person I am today. Because I think I have just enough of a mixture of self-loathing and narcissism to keep me almost likeable. Adding good hair to the equation would have made me unbearable.
People underestimate how much a man's hair influences his personality. This is why it is very important for my child to have cool hair. I will not be able to re-live the pain and suffering that was bestowed upon me via countless hours under a hot-air dryer waiting for my perm to "take". The only thing that got taken was my dignity.
So when the doctor says, "I'm sorry to say, but it looks like your boy has a shark fin on his back and a duck bill where his foot should be," I'll say, yeah Doc, but how's his hair? And if the answer is, "It's feathered like a goddamn Bee Gees album cover". Then he's going to be fine. Just fine.
3 comments:
The Gibbs brothers did have nice hair, but if your kid could have hair like say CC Deville, I think he would have it made! Never underestimate the kid with a checker board shaved into his head, or if he is really cool, a bullseye!
You should never say stuff like this because Steph will feel like you are disappointed when your baby comes out bald and stays that way for a LONG time.
Davis, for baby's first haircut I'm thinking something along the lines of Bobby Brown's Every Little Step video.
Kelly, did you forget I'm Greek? Our baby's going to look like a terrorist in a diaper.
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