I think my laughing at the end scared him more than his burp.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Before we return to the regularly (or not so regularly) scheduled posts on life as a new dad, it's important to note that I'm not doing this alone. Behind every good daddyblog post is a good mommy making this possible. So without further ado, I give you the reasons why I am so lucky to have such a great partner:
1. Stephanie still wakes up and feeds Alex in the middle of the night and I rarely realize this has happened until she tells me in the morning.
2. I have never seen her get frustrated or angry in the past 8 months - regardless of how little sleep she is running on or difficult of a day she's had at work. She comes home, sees Alex and smiles like there's not a care in the world. Actually this is more creepy than anything else.
3. Steph has been selflessly pushing Alex to say "dadda" as his first word - at least while I'm in the room. For all I know she could be telling him he doesn't even have a dad when I'm just downstairs watching TV. But that's okay because I tell Alex that I won this "Stephanie" woman we call "mommy" in an illegal Russian gambling den hidden deep beneath the Kremlin.
4. Hygeine. Hers, mine and the babies. Steph does the lionshare (read: all) of the laundry in the house. This is no small task. Alex has a lot of clothes and has outfit changes like a Cher concert (I tried really hard not to reference Cher here because it seemed really gay but Steph and I did see Cher years ago and she changes her clothes a lot. It's just a fact.) Oh and back to hygeine, she bathes him and it's not at all traumatic like it is when daddy does it. Bath time with dadda is very utilitarian: "We clean this. We clean that. Hold still. Clean here. Why didn't I grab a towel? Don't move. Why are you so slippery?" Alex loves his bath time with momma. There are toys and laughter and nobody's crying.
5. And last but not least, after all of the above, she still has the patience to listen to my bad jokes, read my offensive facebook status updates and put up with my continuous TV commentary.
I love you Steph!
1. Stephanie still wakes up and feeds Alex in the middle of the night and I rarely realize this has happened until she tells me in the morning.
2. I have never seen her get frustrated or angry in the past 8 months - regardless of how little sleep she is running on or difficult of a day she's had at work. She comes home, sees Alex and smiles like there's not a care in the world. Actually this is more creepy than anything else.
3. Steph has been selflessly pushing Alex to say "dadda" as his first word - at least while I'm in the room. For all I know she could be telling him he doesn't even have a dad when I'm just downstairs watching TV. But that's okay because I tell Alex that I won this "Stephanie" woman we call "mommy" in an illegal Russian gambling den hidden deep beneath the Kremlin.
4. Hygeine. Hers, mine and the babies. Steph does the lionshare (read: all) of the laundry in the house. This is no small task. Alex has a lot of clothes and has outfit changes like a Cher concert (I tried really hard not to reference Cher here because it seemed really gay but Steph and I did see Cher years ago and she changes her clothes a lot. It's just a fact.) Oh and back to hygeine, she bathes him and it's not at all traumatic like it is when daddy does it. Bath time with dadda is very utilitarian: "We clean this. We clean that. Hold still. Clean here. Why didn't I grab a towel? Don't move. Why are you so slippery?" Alex loves his bath time with momma. There are toys and laughter and nobody's crying.
5. And last but not least, after all of the above, she still has the patience to listen to my bad jokes, read my offensive facebook status updates and put up with my continuous TV commentary.
I love you Steph!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Movie Popcorn
I miss it. I do. I really really miss it. Before Alex was born we were on a regular schedule of eating sushi on Friday nights and on Saturday nights either staying home and getting our wine on or going out to see a movie. I don't miss any of those things except for the popcorn at the movie theatre. I have always loved movie popcorn from very early on when my mom would run into the Crown theatre and get a bucket of popcorn on nights we had rented a vcr (yeah they used to rent those things) . I was walking by a movie theatre in San Francisco this past week and when I smelled the aroma of that fake buttery goodness I almost punched the nearest person square in the jaw like a horny dude picking up a heavy object to relieve his tension (does that really work?). Yes, this is where I'm at now. I need it. I need it bad man. And unfortunately there's no substitute for it. Where's the methodone to my heroin addiction that comes in a greasy bag and smells like my son's farts? Which leads me to this:
Why does my baby's poop smell like popcorn? I believe it is God's way of helping the movie industry stay afloat by constantly reminding parents that when all this hell of sleepless nights and changing diapers is over - popcorn and movies will still be there.
Why does my baby's poop smell like popcorn? I believe it is God's way of helping the movie industry stay afloat by constantly reminding parents that when all this hell of sleepless nights and changing diapers is over - popcorn and movies will still be there.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Percentiles
Today was Alex's 4-month appointment. And as customary at these meetings, the doctor gave us a diagram showing where Alex's weight and height plot against other babies in his age group. Now, I know this is important stuff for some parents, but not me. I want to know the important key performance indicators. Show me where my baby stands in terms of relative likelihood of becoming a total douchebag when he grows up. Show me what percentile Alex falls in for showing an increased predisposition for wearing golf visors. These are things that are important to me. I guess you can infer some of that based on weight and height.
For example, he's currently in the 95th percentile for height and in the 75th percentile for weight. So based on this I could assume he's going to be tall and skinny. And assuming he's going to keep these blue eyes and his mom's good hair - we are totally fucked . Why aren't I more happy about this? Because when you're blessed with good looks you don't have any motivation to try. Everything is just handed to you in life. And you remember the good looking kids in your high school, right? Yeah, supreme douche nozzles. So, that just means it's up to Stephanie and I to keep his self-esteem in check. Right from the get go he's going to hear: "Hey, I didn't realize shitting your pants in public was all the rage now." Or, "I guess grabbing it with your hands and rubbing it all over your face is ONE way to eat spaghetti. . ." As you can see I just want what's best for my baby.
For example, he's currently in the 95th percentile for height and in the 75th percentile for weight. So based on this I could assume he's going to be tall and skinny. And assuming he's going to keep these blue eyes and his mom's good hair - we are totally fucked . Why aren't I more happy about this? Because when you're blessed with good looks you don't have any motivation to try. Everything is just handed to you in life. And you remember the good looking kids in your high school, right? Yeah, supreme douche nozzles. So, that just means it's up to Stephanie and I to keep his self-esteem in check. Right from the get go he's going to hear: "Hey, I didn't realize shitting your pants in public was all the rage now." Or, "I guess grabbing it with your hands and rubbing it all over your face is ONE way to eat spaghetti. . ." As you can see I just want what's best for my baby.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Hilarious
Alex woke Steph and I up at 4am today. It's hard to be upset when the reason he wakes you is because he's laughing so loudly. Actually it's a little disturbing. A giggling baby on a Sunday morning is adorable. A cackling baby at 4 in the morning is frightening. The kind of laughing that's a cross between I'm watching Eddie Murphy Delirious and I'm going to chop your head off with this bread knife. So Steph brings him into our bed to get him to calm down because ain't no funny business going on in mommy and daddy's bed. Well this is also apparently hysterical to him, and the boy continues to giggle and squeak and squawk for the next 3 hours. He literally fell back asleep just in time for my alarm to go off.
I decided that he's going to be very unpopular at parties or on dates because he'll be laughing at all the wrong parts in movies or cracking up at the absurdity of a bowl of soup during fancy dinners. I also think it would be awesome if he kept his baby laugh throughout his adulthood. I would love nothing more than to see a grown man with the kind of herky jerky laugh that only a baby makes. Needless to say my caffeine intake today was borderline illegal. I'm not sure if I had any solid foods at all and now I'm sitting here completely wired at midnight. I think I'll creep into Alex's room and start laughing at him now that he's sound asleep and see how he likes it. Who's the funny dadda now!? Hahahahahahahahahaahahahah!
I decided that he's going to be very unpopular at parties or on dates because he'll be laughing at all the wrong parts in movies or cracking up at the absurdity of a bowl of soup during fancy dinners. I also think it would be awesome if he kept his baby laugh throughout his adulthood. I would love nothing more than to see a grown man with the kind of herky jerky laugh that only a baby makes. Needless to say my caffeine intake today was borderline illegal. I'm not sure if I had any solid foods at all and now I'm sitting here completely wired at midnight. I think I'll creep into Alex's room and start laughing at him now that he's sound asleep and see how he likes it. Who's the funny dadda now!? Hahahahahahahahahaahahahah!
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